3/19/2023 0 Comments Roger the alien![]() Yes, exploitation helps young upstarts make a buck, but we’re not all clumsy oafs. And Third Rock from the Sun, ugh! That dorky bunch couldn’t be more clueless. Don’t even get me started on Mork and Mindy starring Robin Williams, that obvious showboat! Drinking out of his finger, wearing suspenders… embarrassing. I can’t imagine what backwoods planet Hollywood pillaged to find those freaks. That cast of waif-ish drag queens on Desperate Housewives really poorly reflects on all of us. You humans are fascinated by Alien culture, but mostly you get it wrong! It’s ridiculous. What are your favorite shows about aliens? Which one does the most injustice to your people, if you don’t mind us lumping all aliens into one group? Not an alien actor! I’m a raconteur I wanna tell stories! This is a humanoid-dominated business! I’m an alien and an actor. There are so few parts for non-humanoid actors. Poor, dead, Esopoglop… Ooh! Do you think I’d get to play myself in the movie? What a juicy role… though they’ll probably call in a Ledger or a cross-dressed Theron to do the job. That’s right, tragedy is no stranger to Roger the Alien. Much like Ray Charles and Johnny Cash, I’m an unbridled genius with a dead brother. If the smart folks at Fox greenlighted the movie Roger: The Untold Story, what would be the basic storyline? What would be the biggest surprise be for the audience, or for the Smiths? We were talking about my costars? Complete professionals, an absolute joy to work with. Ok, ok, TTYL.- Apologies, that was my publicist. TV’s Roger here… uh huh… uh huh… uh huh, riiight. I once saw him kick his empty bowl at a P.A! And Haley’s partying has gotten hilariously out of control-Oops, that’s my cell. Klaus is the most diva-licious of them all! He only drinks 72-degree Perrier water. Yeah, you can catch her at any amateur night with a three-drink minimum. Get this, he actually wears a girdle under his suit! Those wardrobe girls have to squeeze Stan’s fat ass into a girdle! Ha! I think there’s some footage on the DVD… Anyways, Francine spends most of her downtime on set practicing material for her pathetic housewife gimmick of a stand-up career. Well, Stan has really packed on the pounds since he got back from his “vacation” in South Africa. Why don’t you tell us what they’re really like behind the scenes? You could get back at some of your castmates right now. It really is a shame how you’re treated sometimes, but hey, we have an open forum here. Then, hopefully, life gives me a Percocet. Look, what can I say? When life gives me lemons, I make lemon cosmotinis. Are the pressures of being a celebrity getting to you? Should we be worried? Something I’ve noticed is that when you get a little down, you tend to turn to the sauce for comfort. This role is my spandex jumpsuit and Sunday nights at 9:30 are my Torino! It’s a real Geisha house in here, jealous bitches! I’m like that black guy that won the Olympics. Clearly, I’m the breakout star, and the rest of the cast knows it. I send them a quarter and they give a kid in Africa a cup of coffee or something. The… New Coalition of Alien Actors Coalition Program. Hell, Stan almost shot you while under CIA pressure that one time, but do you ever feel discriminated against? Perhaps there’s some kind of union you could join for equal rights… How does it feel being the only alien on the show? I know they’ve hassled you in the past about your weight and your looks. “Roger chows down on fro-yo… Just like Us!” “Roger spills sour mash whiskey on his Uggs… Just like Us!” “Roger hits a valet with his Ferrari… Just like us!” If you had the decency to read the tabloids, you’d know I’m all over this town. ![]() I’m television’s Roger! I’m friggin’ famous!Īre you getting out of the house at all these days? Do people recognize you on the street?Ĭlearly, Captain Obvious, I’m an Actor, playing a Character on Television. I’m just tickled to give something back to TV after consuming so so much. Are you excited at the possibility of invading every television viewer’s home? I figured you might be, especially since your family never even lets you leave the house.Įxcited? Honestly Gail-based on your questions, I’ve deduced that your name must be Gail-I’m about to blow an orifice! Roger is about to drop, ya’ll! And the masses have chosen to celebrate me. With the DVD release of American Dad, Volume One set for late April, Paste talked to the real star of the show, Roger the Alien, who dishes the dirt about life on the set and in Hollywood.Ĭongratulations on receiving the DVD treatment.
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